Thursday, December 21, 2006

My NFL Wishlist

I think it was Bing Crosby who sang, "It's beginning to look a lot like a wasteland" No, it wasn't Bing, but it may as well of been Sidney Crosby. In case some of our out of state bloggers didn't hear, our corrupt government and horribly inept leaders helped sway a gaming commision to elect to not reward a license for slot machines to a company that was going to build the Pittsburgh Penguins a $290 million arena, ensuring their long term future in this shithole city. Instead, we now have to wait on pins and needles to see if we are going to be a major leauge sports city or some one-horse feeble minded football city like Green Bay or...well, Green Bay.

I know this is a Steeler blog and I am a regular contributor, so this may seem like blaspheme, but I cannot stand the mindset of this city's leaders or sports fans. Let's just hope in the spirit of Christmas, our savior (Mario Lemieux) rises one last time and saves this team. Believe me, having another viable sports franchise in this city only helps the Steelers. (and please, spare me, the Pirates are not in that category) eventually, economic backlash will be felt by the Rooney's in some way shape or form. Soon it will be a city full of old people with Franco Harris shirts on and no one under the age of 30. Just wait. There is a gigantic Hockey following in this city, the fans of the Penguins are more knowledgable, passionate and supportive than any yinzer sucking down IC Light at 9:30 am every Sunday. They, no, we are getting the shaft, as is always the case. Meanwhile the sorority whore who's dad gave her and her friends tickets can continue getting wasted and yelling "woohoo Big Ben". It's enough to make you want to kill.

Ok, I'll try to shift gears here, Christmas-y thoughts, Christmas-y thoughts!!

Despite what you read above, I am a Steelers/NFL fan and when Santa starts squeezing his fat white ass into those red velour pants each year, we start to evaluate and create wishlists, Children want toys, Women want jewelry and Football fans want a Super Bowl. Unfortunatley for us, we had our romp last year, Santa finally delivered the Lombardi to us. This however, does not mean, we can't enjoy our NFL postseason, with a few granted wishes, this postseason can be as good as any other, so without further bitching, complaining and wordiness, is my 2006-07 NFL Postseason Wishlist:

10. Pittsburgh knocking off Cincy in week 17, eliminating them from playoff contention.

come on, this would make a 5-11 season worthwhile! who dey?

9. Indy/New England rematch in the divisional round.

the way it's looking, if they meet, it will be in the Divisional round. This will be intriguing to see them battle in Indy...frankly, I still think New England wins.

8. Baltimore loses in the Divisional Round.

again, no matter what the Steelers do, watching these schmucks lose is always satisfying.

7. 49ers make the playoffs.

8-8 divisional winners are always fun. Don't laugh, it's happening.

6. Jets make a run deep into the AFC playoffs.

untalented, mediocre QB, smallish WR's, and ready to make a run!!! the Jets are capable of beating every team in the AFC pool except San Diego, nothing would be better than a Jets/49ers Super Bowl, and I mean Nothing!

5. The Bears get to the Superbowl.

I mean, they have to make the Superbowl Shuffle sequel right? Only updated to fit 2007 hip hop standards? could you imagine Rex Grossman with Lil' John's Diamond encrusted cup, sipping crunk juice and spitting rhymes while Tommie Harris and Mike Brown cut up on him in the background?

4. Seahawks slip in, make a run and get jobbed by the refs en route to a second straight Super Bowl loss.

I have nothing else against them other than this scenario may make Valvis' head explode.

3. Eagles make the Super Bowl.

Jeff Garcia's "gay" voice on media day would be awesome.

2. The Steelers get a ridiculous amount of help, get healthy and make a run.

do you think ANYONE wants to see them slip in and have them come to their house for a playoff game? no way.

1. The Penguins get a new arena and stay in Pittsburgh as a new dynasty is born.

sorry, you knew that was coming...if I'm wishing for anything, that's the top of my list, come on fat man, hurry down the parkway tonight!

Merry Christmas everyone.


Anonymous Signor said...

Where are you sitting that you get to hob-nob with drunken sorority whores? I always sit next to dorks from Harriburg wearing Tommy Maddox jerseys or some other player that was never great and is no longer on the roster.

If you are gonna wear a jersey to the game, he better be in the Hall of Fame, on his way to the Hall of Fame, or one of the greats of the 70's who won at least 2 Super Bowls.

And it has to be an acutal Steelers game, no wearing Steelers gear to Penguin and Pirate games. I fucking hate that!

I'd like to see a Chargers/Saints Superbowl myself, 2nd to only a Steelers/anyone Super Bowl.

Rest of my Christmas list...

Cowboys lose in playoffs, T.O. drops several passes including potential game winning touchdown grab. Mrs. McNabb cheers him up with a bowl of Chunky Soup.

Bengals lose. Chad Johnson is given a black and White TV to ease the pain.

Ravens lose. Ray Lewis stabs someone again, preferably Brian Billick or himself. McNair injures his shoulder and can no longer hold his hands above his head with his palms facing outward in that stupid touchdown celebration he does.

Cohwer inks a 5 year contract extention, Rooneys pay him what he deserves. Steelers squeek into playoffs. Ben stays healthy in the offseason, buys a car with airbags.

Pengunins stay in Pittsburgh. Browns move to Delaware in the middle of the night.

Merry Christmas!

4:06 PM  

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